Trusting other people is no doubt a virtue to me. Therefore, I believed in others easily and unconditionally in the past until the experience in my life hit me like a truck.
Tommy was a friend of mine in primary school. We played together and shared our snacks. That was more than enough to earn friendship as a child. One day, I was doodling on a school notice during recess time. Drawing aliens was probably the most popular activities among children at that time. I remembered I drew a lot of them on the notice. Some of them were slime like creatures, some were beasts with fur and fangs and some were imaginary creatures with tentacles and horns. Tommy saw me drawing and he immediately asked ‘What are you drawing? Let me have a look!’ I was trying to be mysterious and hid the notice in my drawer while replying with a chuckle, ‘No.’ I knew Tommy could not resist his curiosity and he would beg for it in seconds. ‘Come on! Believe me, I won’t tell anyone!’ And when I showed him my masterpiece, we had a good laugh together until our stomachs hurt.
After all the lessons were finished and the bell rang, I was getting ready to go home. It was just another school day except I was asked to stay behind after class. I had no idea what happened. Then, my class teacher took the doodled notice out of my drawer and said, ‘Don’t even try to deny. Someone told me you drew that. Now stay here when I call you mum.’ I was dumbfounded. I could not move a muscle. I could not even think. I could only sit there like a huge rock. After a while, my mum arrived and my teacher scolded me. But honestly, I could not even recall a single word getting out of her mouth. My mind was filled with tides of questions and had no space for the blame. ‘How did she know?’ I was asking myself in my mind but I had the answer already. I was just refusing to get to the inevitable conclusion. Someone told her. The only person knew about my doodling was Tommy. The tides of questions were then replaced by a storm of emotions. Anger, sorrow, regret… All these emotions were coming through as I realized the betrayal of a friend. A friend I believed in. Everything in my sight was starting to blur. The emotions inside me were looking for a way out but I blocked them with extreme effort. I knew if I let them lose, I would really lose everything including the last bit of my pride.
On my way home, I remained silence with my head down. I did not care much about the punishment I received because it was not a serious misbehavior from the start. I was thinking about Tommy and the whole incident. Mum seemed to clearly understand what I was thinking. “Just so you know, I am not angry at you. I am feeling pity for you. Some day you will understand that trusting people is the easiest and the hardest thing at the same time,” she said.
The next day I went to school, the first thing I did was to find Tommy and asked him why he sold me out. Maybe deep down in my heart, I was still hoping that he did not do it or at least he was forced to do so. “Oh, I did tell her,” Tommy said. “It just slipped through my mouth, sorry.” I was gripping my fist harder as I heard him talk about his motive. I found myself burning in anger. For the first time in my life I wanted to punch someone in the face so desperately. I shared the thing I treated as a secret with someone I treated as a friend. However, it was not the same value to such so called friend as he just told the secret to others casually. As much as I wanted to punch him, I did not do it. I walked away and he would not be a friend ever again in my heart. I thought I understood what my mum said but I did not. That was why I fell into another scam.
It was an evening when I was waiting for the elevator at the lobby to get home. At that time, a young lady just walked in the estate with a few other residents. Seeing me wearing a school uniform, the young lady approached me and asked, “Hey boy, you are studying in primary school right? Do you need a private tutor?” At first, I was not interested so I replied, “No, thanks. I am doing fine at school.” She put on a friendly smile and gave me a leaflet, “That’s fine. But maybe your family and friends will need me. Just call this number if so.” When I told my mum about the leaflet, she was more than happy because my brother was having trouble catching up the lessons at the time being. Therefore, mum decided to call the young lady and asked her to have a conversation at our home the next day.
During the conversation, mum asked the young lady about what she would be teaching and how she would do it. Almost at the end of the conversation, the young lady said, “Mam, I can see that you are not a rich family but still you are willing to pay money to help you child. For that, I can charge a lower tuition fee to show my respect but I am going to ask you pay me a month ahead. Is that okay? ” My mum hesitated a bit so she added, “I am really devoted to this job and I promise I will help your son. Please believe me.” My mum was finally moved and paid her ahead.
The next day should be the start of my brother’s tutorial class but the young lady never showed up. We called her number for hundreds of time but it was no longer in service. It was at that moment we found that we were fooled. I was filled with guilt and anger. I felt like I was partly responsible because I told mum about this scam at the first place. I was angry at the con woman. She used my mum’s emotion and her desire to help my brother. I hated myself for being so naïve. I should have learned that not everyone is trust-worthy after being betrayed the first time. Yet I did not even doubt a word the con woman said when she asked for pre-payment.
If the incident about me and Tommy made me understand the native attitude of my past self, the scam we suffered from made me have a clear idea of the attitude of my future self. Since that day, I swear to myself that I should never trust a person easily because the closest friend can stab you in the back the easiest. Use logic but not emotion to determine if a person is telling truth. It may sound like a really harsh comment but it will always be the way to avoid being deceived. I have become such a person since that day. I hate this attitude a little bit because it makes me feel like a skeptical and suspicious person. However, the fact is this kind of attitude helps me stay away from a lot of scams. Trusting people is a virtue but too many people have used such virtue as a tool to deceive others. Strangers in the street may ask me for a few dollars for taking a bus as they forget to bring their wallet. This is exactly the kind of scam using people’s trust and sympathy. Looking back in the past, maybe the simple and innocent self is what I wanted to become the most. The reality has been a cruel and effective teacher in terms of teaching people to protect themselves by doubting others. It feels like wearing a heavy armor to protect myself from the damage. The most important thing I understand is that finding a trust-worthy person is a difficult task. If you have such a friend or family, please remember to treasure them because wearing the heavy armor all day long is really tiring.