Noisy club, messed up kitchen, narrow rental house.
I am not willing to talk about this experience due to I always considered it as my dark history. However, now, I want to share it with you because this experience exposed the other side of society to me, making me realize that not everyone is as lucky as me, even so, they still need to work hard to keep up. Moreover, this experience did change my attitude towards life.
The story happened long time ago, when I was a rebellious high school student. I had a boyfriend, I always went to bars, I smoked. The conflict about my life always existed in my family. I thought small quarrels would not bother my life a lot until I stayed in bar overnight again, and my mother eventually beyond endurance and shouted to me. “you are not my daughter anymore; I do not need a daughter like you.” My tears burst out and all I thought was “okay, I can live alone, I will be more free without you as my burden.” So I picked up my clothe, and ran out of my home with little money.
When I rushed downstairs, my hands were shaking, the clothes was wetted by my sweat and tear, the buzz covered all sounds around me. It happened like a dream. In that split second, I did not know why I was in the street with my luggage. My head was empty; thousands questions rose in my mind. “Where should I go? What should I do? Should I go back home? Should I apologize to my mom?” After a short struggle, I moved to a rental housing located in urban village. It was a small room on the second floor, the sun was absent due to the short distance between buildings. So even in mid-summer, my room was always cold and gloomy. I watched movies and hanged out with my friends everyday, spent all my money in two weeks. The problem was that how could I support myself? What job can I take? A girl who even did not finish high school yet.
One day, I was all by myself, suddenly, a boy came to me and tried to give me a leaflet. I just wanted to refuse, he said, “you can have a look, it is a job with high income.” “High income?”, these two words knocked my heart. When I was back at the rentel house, I read through the leaflet and understood it was not an ordinary job. The main content of the job was pretending to be in a club, which meant I had to go to the club everyday; I also needed to attract more people to buy alcohol. “What the hell.” I threw the leaflet into garbage. In the next few days, I kept looking for a job but I failed. I thought I could be a part-time clerk in a small company, but the reality told me what I could do was washing dishes. I had never washed dishes at home! I lied on the bed and stared at the ceiling. I thought of the leaflet. “How about to have a try? Maybe it is better than my thought.” I kept struggling between my principle and delimma. I was falling asleep with complicated thoughts. When I woke up, it was already noon. I took out all of my money and found out that I even could not afford my lunch. I picked up the leaflet and made a phonecall. I did panic.
As expected, I went to a club that night, they provided me some beer and asked me to behave actively, such as dancing on the stage and do not refuse accosting. The club was so noisy that made my head ache. I had to deal with guys who tried to talk to me. They said unrespect way with me, which made me feel ashamed but I could not do anything. When I finished working, it was already 4am, I dragged my exhausted body back to the rental house, I realized my self esteem did not allow me to take this job. I was so upset, I hated my decision about leaving home, I hated incapable me. Finally, I could not help myself, and burst into tears.
I did not know how long had I been crying, it was almost a century. I woke up with swollen eyes, I went to the restaurant which needed a dishwasher. The narrow kitchen was filled with dirty dishes, I have to clean them as soon as possible with another girl. You can not imagine the environment in the kitchen, the sticky floor, the dull heavy air. With all the dishes around me, I felt I was engulfed in them, I was like a washing machine that repeated same action over and over. When I finally finished the work that day, I could not feel my arms, I even could not hold chopsticks stably. However, I did not give up this job until the end of the vacation.
I went back home at the end of that summer vacation, I felt like I had roved outside for two years. I really broke my mom’s heart; she even did not want to say a word to me. Action speaks louder than words. I began to study hard; I began to stop going to bars; I began to think in my parents’ shoes; I began to talk to my parents about my feelings and problems; I began to try to be a good girl both in school and at home. I finally understood the burdens from my parents are their love, they tried their best to protect me from danger. I experienced reality that I had never imagined. Maybe most people regard this thing as my dark history, but this “dark history” is my priceless treasure.