"Only children and fools would not lie"... This is the most ridiculous belief I have ever heard.
In the eyes of children, there is a sparkle which makes them look innocent and pure. The beauty of their smile tells you that they still have not realized there is darkness in the soul. Their world seems more magical than you can imagine, doesn't it?
We all are wearing masks every day, so please ask yourself, as an adult, do you believe that a child also wears a mask every day?
When I was eight years old, I really enjoyed praise given by others. Whenever people appreciated me and said that I am a ‘good girl’, my heart would be filled with bliss and that joy that could not be described in words. One day, I found that ‘acting as a good girl’ seemed like a perfect idea to continuously get praised. I was really good at reading people’s minds at that time. Therefore, I chose to ingratiate myself with others by ‘acting as a good girl’ and I started telling lies. Since then, people usually believed that I was a good girl who was excellent in conduct and academic performance.
At first, I told lies to conceal the fact that some parts of me indeed did not fulfill the image as a ‘good girl’. For instance, my mother asked me what I did one day. I would say that I had revised instead of telling her I actually watched television for the whole day; when a teacher asked me how I got along with my brother, I would say that I was willing to share things with him and always chatted with each other, rather than telling the truth about our endless fights. Keeping up a positive image was necessary for me to feel appreciated at that time. Therefore, I told lies.
Bit-by-bit, I loved telling lies not because I was afraid of revealing my true self, but a natural thought corrupted my love of the lie itself. Although lies were not necessary in some situations, I still actively told lies to maintain my image and get praised even more. I might be the most terrific liar of all children. If I was on the way to the convenience store to buy chocolate, even when some neighbors asked me where I was going, I would say that I was going to borrow some fiction books. I thoroughly understood that it did no harm to my reputation if I said I was going to buy chocolates, but I just chose to tell lies. It was awful.
However, something had changed deeply inside my heart one day. I left my dictation book at school so I did not have to give it to my parents to sign, indicating that they noticed my performance. I felt devastated as my homework record was perfect throughout the year. The term was about to end, and I could only get merit if I handed in all homework on time. Only good students can earn merit, right? Could this be possible if I am not on the list of good students? NO! Definitely Not! Something popped into my mind for me to get this merit.
Next day, we handed in our homework one by one. The first assignment to hand in was the dictation book! I sat in front of the teacher's desk and my class teacher asked me to hand in the dictation book. Her voice struck terror in my heart. I forged my parents’ signature under the table nervously… alright! I made up my mind and handed in my dictation book while hoping I could lie my way through the whole thing.
At lunchtime, my class teacher - Miss Lau- asked me to come find her. I had a hunch that my plan had fell through. Miss Lau met me in a conference room. The solemn atmosphere felt suffocating. Miss Lau didn’t turn on the light and she just stared at me in the dark. Shivers went down my spine.
She asked me, “Have you forged your parents’ signature?”
Just as I thought.
“Of course not! Why would you think so?” I answered immediately.
She opened my dictation book and said, “The same signature but the handwriting is different. What do you think?”
“Let me see… Oh! How come? Umm…I have no idea…”
“Huh… I’ll give you one more chance, did you forge your parents’ signature?
This question exerted mounting pressure on me. Should I tell the truth? NO! Definitely Not! If I tell the truth, it may ruin my image! A good student does not lie. Then, it was the only way-out - “Umm… Maybe it was my brother. He loves playing pranks!”
“Huh… Okay. The last chance- tell me the truth! Did you forge your parents’ signature?” Miss Lau asked again.
“NO!” I answered.
That night, most of my relatives came to my home for dinner. When I entered my home, there was a strange tension in the air – the angry glare telling me that my lie had been debunked.
“Hey! Let’s have a discussion.” Someone said with a snicker.
They form a circle and ‘invited’ me to sit in the center. They stared at me like I was a stranger. I felt like a fish out of water!
Never mind! Clam down good girl! Maybe they haven’t known the truth. Take it easy first!
I made up my mind and said, “What happened? You're acting like I’m a criminal! Relax!”
“Shut Up!”
“How come a lovely girl like you would be as vicious as the witch!”
“Lying genius! ”
“I'm not upset that you lied, I'm upset that I can't trust you anymore from now on!”
…
Interrogation and criticism continued throughout the night. How long did it last? My stomach was growling, and the morning came. Everyone left. The only thing left over was my traumatized heart. A good girl like me was never blamed! Never! Never! It was just a lie… How come I was blamed like a criminal sitting in the court? I am a criminal! A terrible liar!
The next school day, all of the teachers seemed to stare at me and whisper. Did he just smile at me? NO! He was sneering! What did she call me? Did she praise me? NO! She was criticizing me! Their eyes were saying that I was the most ridiculous person in the world – a DISASTER!
…
“TTM! Could you… Oh sorry. I won't call you. Peter! Could you help?” No one needed me anymore.
From that day onwards, whenever I wanted to tell lie, my family's faces and words from that day were literally scorched in my heart. I could not tell lies anymore. If I am a straightforward person, my reputation may be backed up right? I pondered… maybe I'd just give it a try!