Confession can be terrifying. However, it is always worth going to, no matter how we feel about our sins.
Back into my grade school days I usually spent my summer vacation in Guangzhou. My family had a summer house there and it was much bigger than our Hong Kong’s apartment. Our summer house placed with other houses along the seaside. I usually spent my time there a month. In our site, there were only 30 houses which were quite good since I could recognize everyone easily and I met James at the site. James was not a Hong Kong resident like me, he was a local. To a certain extent, he was my Mandarin teacher. From my point of view, he was a very energetic person. On the contrary, from the perspective of an adult, he was excessively moving and naughty. No matter what, he was my only and the best friend in Guangzhou.
James and I are still friends till now, but something happened within our friendship. I could still remember that “it” happened in my fifth grade summer holidays.......Almost, my friendship with James broke because of my weakness. Fortunately, I made the right choice.
“Jacky, what is our plan today? I think we can go fishing. Mum said she can grill the fishes for us if we can catch fishes successfully.” Oh I forgot to tell you, James was a foodie, his favorite activity was eating! That's why he had a big belly.
“Ermmmm....Come on James. We just had a barbecue yesterday. Let's do some things more exciting, some things that the adults won’t let us do.” In front of the adults, I was always a good boy and acted like a kid with a good manner. I would follow all of their orders with no complaint. But only James knew that I had a strong desire for stimulating things. There were something common among me and James, we both had hunger in chasing exciting things. The only difference was I hidden my hunger deep in my heart but James showed it obviously.
“No matter what is your plan, I am in.” This is James, a friend without questioning. “What if I tell you we are going to play fire? ” I said in a tempting tone. “Uhhhhh....this seems too much, things will go wrong if we lost control. My mum always warns me that fire is the most dangerous thing in the world. ” James doubt it. “I thought you will always support me. If you really scared of it I will do it myself.” I knew my tricks must work, James didn’t want me to think that he was not as brave as me. “Who says I am scared, let’s go good kid. ” I thought he was making ironic remarks since he aggravated his pronunciation on GOOD KID.
My plan was to burn papers, tissues, and woods. These were some things which could be easily found in the site. The problem was how to burn it, I knew we need a lighter. We could not take a risk to buy it from tuck shops. Try to imagine the scenario that, two 10 years old boys went to buy a lighter who must not have a smoking habit. Who knew what they will do. We must find a lighter in a way which won't raise others suspicious. James made a plan, he told me that his uncle must take a nap every afternoon, we could slip into his room and get his lighter after he slept, once we finished our “game”, we went back and returned it. “Good idea, so no one will know that we have played fire.”
Action is better than excitement. James was responsible for the lighter and I prepared the other materials. We made a deal with that meeting at my home after collecting what we needed. “Let's do this in the bathroom, we can extinguish the fire immediately if we want. ” I suggested. “Good idea, genius. Which we start first, tissues or woods?” We first tried tissue, it was burnt ashes in a few seconds. For sure, it didn’t satisfy us. We wanted the burning process last longer so we skipped the paper and burnt the woods directly. The scene of burning is stunning. We should stop right after we tried our materials. However, avarice knows no bounds. We wanted more....
Once Pandora's box was opened, things went wrong. I saw the trousers hanged on the balcony’s crossbeam. I could not resist the devil and used the lighter to burn it. The sun was very strong at the time and the trousers were white in color, the naked eyes couldn’t see any flame on it. I thought I could not ignite it and I started to feel bored. That’s why I and James laid on my bed thinking of what the next material could burn, our eyes’ started to grow heavy and we dozed off. Suddenly, a shout waked us. “Oh my lord, what happened! Kids, can you tell me why the balcony is on FIRE!” roared by my mum.” Turns out the trousers were burnt and we didn’t notice. We saw flames with thick black smoke which were coming out from the balcony, James and I just stood outside of the balcony watching the flames in horror. Luckily there was no one get hurt when the fire broke out. My mum made the emergency phone calls immediately, several fire engines arrived after a while. It only took about 10 minutes for the firemen to put out the fire as the situation was not so bad. Fortunately, only the balcony was burnt and the flame didn’t spread into our living rooms and bedrooms. We could still live in there but I knew we need a renovator.
James’ mum, auntie Sandy visited our home after she heard the news. When she saw James, the first thing she did is to slap his face. “It must be your idea, why will you do such a stupid thing?” auntie Sandy was so mad about James’ action, she thought all the kinds of stuff were created by James. She told my mum that “Jacky must be abetted by my son. I am so sorry for your loss and the mess.” My mum asked James “Is that true? James, please tell me who gives the idea?” James said nothing and clenched his fists. He set his teeth very emphatic appearance and the only reaction was a pregnant silence. I knew he was trying to protect my “good image” and the reason he did so was he really treated me as his real friend.
His silence lured me like a devil, I could not stop thinking about what would be the consequences if I admitted I was the one who responsible for the fire. “Maybe it is the best situation. James was always regarded as a naughty kid, it seems he is the best scapegoat. ” I knew it was wrong but I afraid my reputation would be destroyed in one night which took me 10 years to build it. Many thoughts were messing with my brain, I couldn’t make the right decision. At that moment, I saw James’ eyes filled with tears but he said “Sorry for all the mess. It was my idea and I forced Jacky to do so. He warned me but I just couldn’t stop my curious.” It was the first time I saw his tears..... “It was me. I asked James to do this with me.” Words rushed out from my mouth with no hesitate. I felt that if I didn’t confess my sin at that time, I might lose a real friend forever. Mum maybe felt disappointed and me no longer a good kid anymore, but it was better than losing James. If I really let him suffered due to the messes made by me, how could I face him in the rest of my life?
“What James said is not true. He is just trying to protect me. Sorry for letting you guys down but this is me. I am not perfect and James is better than me.” “You did a wrong thing which had a serious consequence. This is a fact that you can’t change but it is also hard for a person confessing their sins. I can see two good kids here. You and James maybe do some things in a wrong way but we all did wrong things. The problem is how many of us can face our problems and not evading our sins.” My mum didn’t punish me in a serious way, indeed she taught me to be a better person in a gentle way. She said “Let’s treat the balcony as the fee for learning. But keep it in mind, don’t burn another one.”
“Mr. Poon, what will you do after u made a wrong decision?” my students question dragged me back into reality. “Good questions from Ken. I can’t speak for the others, but I have always found confession very hard. But once you can break through the boundaries and face your sins with courage, you will live in a better way. ”
I know it is true as I tried before.