On a Saturday afternoon in the mid October 2014, the mission trip committee held a meeting to discuss the person in charge of each of the activities that we would conduct in Jiangmen since our youth fellowship was planning to have a mission trip for 3 days during the Christmas holiday.
‘So now we come to the most important part, which is the evangelical conference of the first night. First, we need a precentor and two succentors for the worship part. Any volunteers?’ Jenny, the pastor of our youth fellowship asked us with an affectionate gaze.
My friends Agnes and Ruby had recommended themselves to be the succentors.
‘Then how about the precentor?’ Jenny asked us with a more affectionate gaze.
The room silenced again for ten seconds. Everyone’s eyes turned to each other.
‘Okok. I will do it.’ I replied slightly unwillingly.
The room was suddenly full of acclamation and applause.
‘Wow! King Him, we can always count on you! We will help you to prepare it.’ Jenny said.
Being a ‘freshly baptized’ Christian, I had a strong will to participate in more ministries in the Church. But being a precentor was just not the post that I wanted to be. I just wanted to be the person who prepared the PowerPoint for the worship and be the ‘computer man’, since I would be extremely nervous when standing in front of the watchful eyes of the people. I did not know why I offered myself to play such an important role in the evangelical conference. Moreover, I am not confident about my singing skills and leadership. Could I do it?
‘I will try my best to do it well,’ I answered her with a wry smile.
After the meeting, I started to prepare for the worship ceremony and practiced several times with my colleagues once a week.
‘Good job Joshua, you have improved a lot, keep it up!’ said Agnes after we had a rehearsal about the rundown in the late November.
‘Previously I did not know that you had such a good voice. You are the future star of the worship team of the church!’ Jenny praised me.
‘Haha, don’t flatter me. I am just a rookie. I still am not familiar with being a leader.’ I replied to her.
‘Is everything all right, Joshua?’ Jenny asked me through WhatsApp on December 23rd, the day before we went to Jiangmen.
‘Yes, I think. I hope I can have a good performance'. I replied to her unsurely. ‘But thank you, you guys helped me a lot these past few days.’
‘We all support you. Commit your trepidation to God.’
On December 24, anxiety and excitement woke me up at 5:30am. My mind was stuck thinking about the me standing on the stage and facing the audience. Will I make a fool of myself? What would my friends and the audience think of me? I kept asking myself these questions until we arrived at Jiangmen harbor at noon.
After we stepped out of the immigration lobby, I saw a man with a familiar face walking towards me.
‘Hey, fei jai (fat boy), long time to see! Can you sing the songs well? I know you will be the leader.’ Uncle Chiu greeted me with a hit to by butt. He is the pastor of the Jiangmen Church.
‘Well, I hope so.’ I replied to him with a wry smile.
After we settled down in the hotel at 1pm, we then had a briefing with Uncle Chiu and Auntie Tong, another pastor of Jiangmen Church, about the arrangement of each activity held in these coming days. However, unexpected information was given about the Evangelical conference.
‘About the Evangelical conference tonight, it will be held in the Chaolian church. The audience mainly are provincials, they are not used to speaking in Cantonese. Therefore, you guys should use Mandarin to communicate with them.’ Auntie Tong said.
My heart chilled immediately when I heard this. My Mandarin was a mess. The audience would not know what I was talking about. There was only one day left. My script was written in Cantonese. How could I change my script and practice the pronunciation in such a short time? From this moment onward, my face portrayed distress for the remainder of the briefing session.
‘If you want to have a translator to help you, just tell us.’ Jenny said.
‘No no no. I don’t want to trouble the others. I will make it this afternoon.’ I replied to her.
On the way that we went to the Chaolian Church, I gazed at my script painfully. I had no idea on how to pronounce the words on my script in Mandarin correctly and read the script smoothly. I didn’t know how to write the Mandarin Pinyin for each word which could make it convenient for me to say it out. My hands started to shake and sweat beaded from my whole body.
‘How is your preparation going, Joshua? Do you need help? You seem awfully stressed.’ Ruby asked me in the car.
‘No, thanks. Don’t worry about me.’ I replied to her. I thought I would lose respectability if I sought her help. Therefore, I did nothing to help my script in the car.
We arrived at Chaolian Church at about 3:30pm. Our worship team had a rehearsal immediately. However, when I stood on the podium, my legs kept shaking and I could not sing the songs and read the script well.
‘Joshua come here, I need to talk to you.’ Jenny said after we finished the first rehearsal. I felt like a mouse in a trap when she called me. I thought she would scold at me since I gave a bad performance. However, Jenny gave me a bottle of water and said,
‘Do you know why you will feel nervous on the podium?’
‘Because I am not used to standing on the podium and facing the audience? Also, because I did not perform well in the rehearsal?’
‘Right. They might be the possible reasons. But do you think you care about your performance too much?’
‘Yeah. Because I want to perform well in front of the audience. I want to make things perfectly.’
‘That’s the point. Because you care about whether you can perform well in front of the people so that you get nervous. In some ways, it means that you want to glorify yourself or give security to yourself. The duty of the precentor is leading the audience to worship God but not performing a show to the people and earning recognition from them. Therefore, you don’t need to care about their opinions on you, even if you make mistakes in the worship. Always remember God is the only one that you need to worship, but not the audience. I hope you understand what I mean.’
At this moment, I suddenly calmed down from the tightness.
‘Also, I think your Mandarin is not so bad. At least I can understand what you are talking about. Anyways, keep practicing. We still have time. The tutors may help you.’ She continued.
‘Got it, thanks for reminding.’
After a few times of practice with the support from tutors, the night came.
About 7:50pm, 10 minutes before the conference started. All the seats had been occupied by the audience. My heart beats speeded up rapidly when I saw them. I prayed in my mind, ‘Jesus, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.’
At 8:00pm, the conference started. My colleagues and I walked to the podium. I stood in the middle and faced the watchful eyes of the audience. Jenny put her thumb up for me in the back of the hall. Her smile made me feel at ease.
When we started to sing the first song, I didn’t think about anything else. I just wanted to lead the audience dedicated to the worship. At the same time, peace and relaxation seemed surrounding me which made me feel confident. I could read out the script in Mandarin fluently. It was God’s miracle!
When it came to sing the last song ‘We will love (We can make a difference)’, I invited the audience,
‘Everyone, please hold hands with the people next to you and sing this song, since the most important commandment from God is to love your neighbor as yourself.’
The audience immediately held the hands with the people next to them without hesitation and sang the song with one joint voice. This glorious scene made me hold back my tears since I thought God was truly with us in this hall. At the end, everyone clapped their hands to give the glory to God. Jenny put her thumb up for me in the back of the hall again.
I thanked God for inspiring me to be a leader during this trip. Although it was challenging, I didn’t escape from the difficulty. By the end, He truly gave me an unforgettable experience.
One month later, Jenny gave me a phone call,
‘Joshua, the coming Sunday worship a succentor is needed. Do you want to give it a try?’
‘Sure.’ I replied.
Previously I could not breakthrough from myself and my worries, but how I can.