I never thought I would be studying in a university, let alone be a teacher.
After I graduated high school, I was admitted as an associate degree student, studying communications, media and films. I picked this major simply because it sounded fun, and never did I put much thought into what I would be doing after I graduated, all I know was the fact that I don’t want to be working full-time, or at all after I graduated high school, I wanted to keep living my lazy, comfortable lifestyle and be a parasite to my family. I was skipping class to hang out with my new friends, only attending classes that I thought weren't too boring, developed a drinking problem and was spending my parents’ money recklessly. Deep down in my heart, I knew what I was doing was wrong, that this sort of lifestyle was very unfulfilling even to me at that time, but it was comfy, I didn't actually have anything to worry about besides what I should eat everyday. I just did what I did best and gave up on changing.
Then it all came crashing down.
In the last quarter of 2019, my family was at the edge of bankruptcy, my parents were constantly fighting day and night, I received a warning letter from my school for my extremely low GPA, I was told I would be expelled if I did not meet their requirements before next semester, the social movement in Hong Kong was at its peak, and there were rumors of a new deadly virus incoming.
The world was changing, my whole world was changing. I tried to be indifferent towards all of my problems, but I was furious, I was discontent, and I blamed myself for not doing anything about it. This is when it finally hit me, and a voice deep within me was screaming at me.
“This is not the life you wanted.”
“You are meant for more.’
“You crave recognition, yet you never put any effort in getting it.”
“You crave success, yet you never work for it.”
“You crave change, yet you are scared of it.”
“It is finally time to stop being such a coward, and step up.”
And for the very first time, step up, I did.
I planned out what I needed to do to achieve my goals, be they short-term or long-term. The problem at hand was obviously financial, my family was suffering, my loved ones were suffering. When their world was turned upside down, who could help them other than me, their only son? I applied for my first part-time job, then in a few weeks, another job, and after another few weeks, I learnt some new skills and applied for another job. After a short while, I was working 4 jobs at the same time, as an electrician, hotel staff, part-time English tutor, and a worker in a construction site. I decided to drop out of my associate degree as I realized I was only wasting time and money there, and I would never have actual interest nor the ability to continue studying and pursuing this degree.
Over the course of 9 months, I was working almost every day with no days-off. It was definitely tough, physically and mentally demanding: I still recall during my first day of work as a laborer, my whole body was begging me to stop after the first hour, all my bones were cracking while I was carrying heavy pipes around; every muscle in my body was tearing apart and weeping while I was going down six floors worth of stairs, with metal debris on my shoulder; I would get dizzy and my ears were ringing every time I climber up those hellish steps again. But after almost a month worth of constant “training” here, I finally grew accustomed to the tiredness and pain.
Looking back now, I never realized how much I enjoyed those days, I found myself feeling satisfied after each day, which almost never happened to me before. I was helping my family financially, I bought myself gifts with my own money for the first time, I was learning new and useful skills, and I was never the guy who was either drunk or laying in bed all day. At some point, I decided this was the life I wanted, and even planned to work even more jobs at the cost of my time off, for the sake of making more money.
Then I realized that working hard is nothing compared to working smart.
“You do realize you’re only 19 right? If you keep going like this, you will end up sacrificing your legs!”
This is what my doctor told me.
During early summer of 2020, my knees and back were under severe strain, even walking was painful to me, and I stayed in the hospital for a week. It was at this point that I knew I couldn't keep working mindlessly and recklessly at the cost of my health. I was quite bummed after hearing my doctor’s advice to take a long break, as I was always afraid I would become my old self once again if I slow down. All of the sudden, a thought sparked onto me.
This was all during June of 2020, the last chance to apply to the JUPAS scheme. I knew I was never good at being a student, in fact I absolutely suck at being one. I was never that good at any subjects besides being okay at English, and my DSE results did meet the requirements for an English degree. I couldn't continue working recklessly, so what was the alternative? It is true that I am not the perfect student, but I did enjoy my time as a private-tutor, and my students definitely improved and learnt a lot from my teaching, and I was confident in my ability in teaching.
Why not give it a shot then?
And here we are. To be honest, even now, in my sophomore year in EdUHK, I am still not used to some things, or anything. Back in secondary school, I never tried in any of my classes, everything I am doing in university is still very fresh and challenging for me. Every time I turn in an assignment that was unsatisfactory, or handing in work past the deadline due to careless mistakes in reading the date wrong, and the fact that I kept making these mistakes from time to time, made me feel especially frustrated. I really suck at being a student huh?
But hey, I am not giving up now. I still have a long way to go, and I need to work hard and stop being an idiot for it to happen. I am still waiting for the day in the future when my students will call me:
'Mr. Or.'