After school, I was packing my bag and heard a yell from the back.
“You had better wait for me to go back home. Bye.” A bossy and rude instruction like a sugar hammer struck my heart.
“No, I definitely will not wait for you today.” I did not want him to feel like I was a gentle lamb.
“Dare you?” He turned and walked out of the door with a table-tennis paddle in his right hand.
Classmates around kept packing their bags or cleaning the classroom. They got used to such bickering that happened every day in a junior high school classroom, between a twelve-year-old girl, me, and her crush, K. K always wanted to control me like dragging my bag from the back to stop me from running away. Meanwhile, I enjoyed this kind of play but still made an unyielding face and said, “You are boring.”
Day by day, I gradually found I went to the bathroom myself at break time while other girls always held their friends’ arms to walk to the bathroom. They were almost stuck with glue! Watching them, I wondered if K could be a girl so that I could hold his arms to walk to the bathroom. Admittedly, we were close, but not enough. I followed K to the classroom, to the subway station, wherever except the bathroom; I was freewheeling when staying with him, except sometimes I controlled the rising angle from the lip’s corners when he knocked my head or he stared at me and came to me when I talked to other boys. Each piece of interaction was played again and again in my brain until I fell asleep. Mountains of exciting moments accumulated and got ready to expose. If I could recount these moments with a close female friend, she could store the story for me, so I could release my brain’s capacity to fill with more fresh moments.
A week later, Rory, my new friend, and I went downstairs to the playground before the PE lesson. She tightly held my right hand and suddenly said, “Look! K is there! He is playing table tennis. Let’s go there.”
A kind of competition formed. I had already seen him from the window of the classroom before I went downstairs. I did not need other girls to tell me. I said to Rory, “No, it is boring. Every day after school I stand beside to wait for him.” I turned my head to the other side to show that I disdained to watch K.
“But I have never seen him playing table tennis. Please come with me. Please.” Rory’s thumb stroked the back of my right hand. Maybe Rory could feel that I liked K so she wanted to let me come close to him.
“Fine.” Immediately, Rory ran forward, still holding my hand.
K turned his head to us and cast an eye on the interlaced fingers of Rory and me. For less than a second, he focused on the play.
My fingers involuntarily straightened and tried to escape from Rory’s fingers. What would K think? It might be the first time for him to see I was so intimate with a girl. Would he regard Rory as my best friend now? No! He could not be so silly. He was my best friend for sure. While I considered how to explain this even though he did not ask me, Rory’s fingers tightly tied my fingers. She turned to me and lowered her voice to ask, “Since you are my best friend, let me tell you a secret. You could not leak it. Can you promise?”
At that moment, I looked into Rory’s eyes and stopped my breathing. I seemed to know what she was going to say. I did not want to know, but I still made a big smile, goggled my eyes, and asked, “What secret? Tell me. I would not leak it!”
“Recently, I frequently contacted K. You know, we stay together and you always play with K. I find that he is clever, funny and somewhat handsome, better than most boys in the class. I maybe have a crush on him. What do you think of K? Do you like him?”
I knew it. “No, I do not like K.” Instinctively I denied the fact.
“Really? Then why do you always play with him?” Rory asked.
“Well, because, because I have a crush on his friend.” I hoped I never said this. A lie had to be covered by hundreds of lies.
“Who?” Her eyes were shining.
“Alan.” I smiled and looked down to the floor. I thought I was shy at that moment.
“Really? So now I am your friend, and Alan and K are friends. Can you help me chase after K? In return, I can help you get Alan too. Then we are two pairs of couples.” Rory’s brows nearly climbed to the top of her head.
“Deal.”
“Tell me everything you know about K,” Rory asked. Each part of her face was dancing.
“K lived in ……” I did not tell her K's birthday, constellation, and phone numbers. I saved them as my unique weapon to win him.
Admittedly, exchanging secrets was a big step to start a stable friendship. After school, I was packing the schoolbag. Rory came and invited me to go to the subway station together. She was taking away the last chance that only K and I could stay alone.
With a deep breath, I squeezed my lip to a smile and said, “Sure.” Rory applauded her hands and left my seat. Then, I looked up and saw K walking toward me. Could I tell him that today I could not go home with him, but maybe I could save the opportunity for tomorrow? However, he passed me without saying anything.
The sun was harsh in the afternoon. Rory took out her pink umbrella and dragged me into the shadow. Under the shadow, my heart was even warmer than the outside temperature. If K was next to me, he would hurry to walk and even push me behind. And I would not let him stay under my umbrella.
After a brief silence, Rory said, “I think you should keep your distance with K. K may think you like him. Alan may think that as well.”
And Rory was uncomfortable. Me too. The request was like a bucket of water, pouring into my warm heart. I could go to the subway station either with Rory under her umbrella or with K chasing all the way.
We said goodbye when my train arrived. We went in the opposite direction.
Someday somewhere, I met K. I rushed to him and asked, “Do you know I have liked you since I was 12?”
“What? But you did not talk to me in class.” K said.
“But I texted you and sent you birthday gifts,” I shouted.
“But you always cracked Alan up! I thought you … ” K shook his head while talking.
“No. So tell me now, can we get together?” I cut his statement.
A second was stretched into a minute. I counted my heartbeat: one, two, three, …
“Yes.”
Suddenly, pink bubbles filled the whole world and the air smelled like roses. I tried to cross the bubble to hug him, but the scene stopped.
Oh, it was that dream, which intruded at night again and again after graduation.
Looking back on it now. The dilemma is not K or Rory, but deceit or honesty. Sincerity is the most powerful weapon to protect relationships. Maybe I could own both K and Rory. Mean girl gets nothing but regret in the end.