Last day of quarantine, I was sitting alone on the sofa shaded by the curtains with a cup of tea, looking at the sun outside the window goes down at the Victoria Harbour. Tomorrow will be a new day, a day of freedom. How is him? The one who’s sitting in the shadows with a sluggish expression. Will he be free?
He is 3 years older than me, the son of my mom's friend. Slender, wheat-colored skin, with big talking eyes. Unlike those impish boys, he never climbs up and down, or pulls girl's braid hard and laugh proudly with hands on hips in girl’s angry scream. He is always warm and gentle.
Adults hang out a lot so we are always together and become besties. There were endless laughter and whispers between us. And he was my Atticus Finch at the age of 8.
(2)
It was an ordinary dinner for adults, and there were just us two children. We sat together, leaving adults to talk about adult topics.
We've been whispering and chatting before the appetizers came. What he said in my ear, I have forgotten, but every word of his breath with a warm breath sprinkled on my ear. I couldn't help giggling, and shrank my head and turned to the other side, dodging the itchy, soft words. And his soft lips chased after me and continued to whisper in my ear.
The adults suddenly stopped talking and stared at the two of us playfully. I don't know the meaning of those eyes, but it made my cheeks red. An auntie joked to my mother: "They are in such a good relationship, maybe you two can become in-laws in the future." The adults started booing but I hate it so much.
He saw my embarrassment, took my hand, and ran out of the private room, escaping the sight of the adults.
"Let's play hide-and-seek, I'll come to you." He smiled and looked at me with his twinkling eyes.
"Okay, but you can't peek."
Seeing my promise, he turned his back and covered his eyes, "Now you have a minute to hide, don’t let me find you too easy."
I looked around the noisy hall full of strangers, haven't recovered from the gazes of the adults, I bowed my head and walked quickly back to the private room again. Without looking at any of adults, I walked quickly into the thick, heavy curtains.
The curtains isolate the adult's sight, the glass is frosted. It‘s dark outside and only the light in the private room shines weakly through the bottom of the curtains. It is very safe here. I shrank into the corner, making sure my shoes were hidden in the dark.
One second, two seconds... Counting to 120 seconds, just when I couldn't help but want to sneak out to see where he was, the voices of the adults toasting around fell silent again. I knew, he’s coming.
Although I couldn't see anything, I could imagine from the sound that he lifted the tablecloth and was frustrated to find that I'm not hiding at the feet of any grown-up. He then suddenly appeared behind the door but did not see my figure so he scratched his head in distress. Imagine this, I covered my mouth to keep myself from laughing out.
Suddenly, the curtain was pulled, and I shrank to the corner again, then the curtain fell down abruptly. Before I could relax and breathe, a figure came in the curtain from the corner.
"I found you!" The corners of his mouth couldn't stop rising.
I feel aggrieved. I don't know whether it's because of the embarrassment of losing the game after being teased by adults, or because of his smile, even though it's not complacent at all. I bowed my head, didn't look at him, staring at my toes, didn't speak. My nose was a little sour.
"I cheated, they told me you were here." The voice lost the excitement but with a hint of gingerliness.
I was delighted hearing this for some unknown reasons, and suddenly raised my head, "Then I won, right?" This kind of happiness spread from my heart and overflowed on my face.
"Well, you won." There was no complaint, he just stared at me.
Is he angry? I didn't dare to look at him, I wanted to wait until that gaze stopped directly looking at me before I spoke to him. Suddenly, he leaned towards me, I felt warmth and moisture on my lips - It was a kiss as light as a feather but as warm as the sun.
"Let's go get something to eat." he took my hand back to the seats.
Falling in love at a kiss is not the thing for children but no one expected that the joyous time is such a mirage.
He is mad, at the age of 13.
(3)
"He got a mental illness," my mom stopped for a while, “very serious. We need to visit them today”
Sitting in the car, I can't help but imagine the appearance of a mentally ill person, crazy, talking nonsense... Will that be what he looks like? I can't imagine the boy who whispered in my ear, the boy who kissed me, turned into a swearing lunatic sleeping on the street.
“Will he recognize me, mum?” Mum didn’t answer it. The sunset leak on my face from the crack of the window, there's still a trace of warmth left, but it's so faint that I can't help shivering.
I could barely remember his mother's expression when entering the house. The only thing occupied my sight was the white door with a golden handle that was always closed. It was quiet inside. I took the handle for a while but didn’t open it - I didn't want to see his crazy or sick figure of him.
The door opened a crack, and I looked inside, and it was a more sad sight than madness: the room was empty, with only the bed, the wardrobe, and a table, and everything was light-colored. With the curtains half-opened, he sat on the ground on the side where the sun cannot shine, leaning towards the window, looked out the window. Despite the creaking sound of the door opening and closing, he did not glance at the door, just stared blankly at the window.
Standing at the door where the sunset cannot touch already, I suddenly felt a little cold. I walked into the room, walked a few steps forward, the boy didn't turn his head to look at me, but I saw clearer: the bright, talking, often smiling eyes were gone. Dull, obscure eyes on an expressionless face, I don't know if it was my illusion, his wheat-colored skin was grayish.
I was about to call him when suddenly he turned his head.
Did he recognize me?
No, I saw his eyes penetrate me, looking somewhere in the air, and then he turned and lowered his head, suddenly covering his ears, mumbling something in his mouth. To hear more clearly, I took two steps forward.
"Stop talking, shut up! If you show up again, I'll hit you. Go away, don't bother me!" he closed his eyes, pressed his lips tightly, and covered his ears, motionless.
I took two more steps and patted the boy on the shoulder, but he didn't look up. I stared at the boy and didn't dare to blink. After a long while, when my eyes started to sour, he suddenly raised his head and looked at me. I didn't speak, but stared into his eyes, making sure he was looking at me. His mouth opened and closed, and there seemed to be a dim light in his eyes again.
Did he recognize me?
Just when I thought he was going to say something, the light in his eyes seemed to turn into flames, and his face began to look hideous, hands waving in the air. This time I saw it more clearly: his eyes were neither light nor flames, but forbearance, hot lava before the eruption. His slender neck and forearms were covered with blue veins. He was like a tight string that could snap at any moment. I couldn't help but take two steps back.
"Go away! I'll kill you if you show up again!" He didn't rush forward, holding back, tensing, roaring, his voice hoarse and unpleasant. But I don't think he would hurt me.
His mother suddenly opened the door and came in, pulled me out, and closed the door softly.
"Sometimes he doesn't even recognize me. Don't go over there. He'll suddenly become irritable, and will fall and fight, so we move everything away." Her eyes were red and swollen. She whispered to me, "We're going to send him back to a house in the suburbs, there's no one, and no one will get hurt.” she choked up and sobbed, “We will bring him back… when he’s … better.”
Before leaving, I quietly opened the white door a crack and looked inside: The sun went down completely and the last trace of light escaped from the room. The thin figure was sitting in the dark again, staring dully at the window. His eyes had no light or flame and his lips were closed. He is trapped.
The last ray of sunshine in Victoria Harbour fell, I felt the coldness and drank the last sip of tea in the cup. Alas, whether he would be free, the free day that belongs to me is coming, with a warm shine.