From then on, we were no longer friends. We did not quarrel. We did not fight. We did not hate each other, I guess. We just did not find and talk to each other anymore.
***
“Good morning!” I greeted Iris with a big smile, waving my right hand.
“Hi, Maggie!” Iris replied and smiled at me too.
This was what we had done everyday mornings since Form 2. We usually went to school together by train. On our way, we talked a lot. We had unlimited things to share: mainly about our school, gossips, celebrities, etc. Sometimes, we discussed politics and moral questions. Most crazy thoughts popped up during our walk too.
“I feel I am getting fatter,” I said disappointedly.
“You? No! Your legs look very thin,” she said surprisingly.
“It’s an illusion. You only see my thinnest part. I hide my fat under the clothes with special wearing techniques. I have some ‘bye-bye meat’ in my arms and a round belly!” I told her honestly.
I truly felt upset about my body, but I felt more upset at meeting her for just about 15 minutes every morning. I never told her that I wanted to stay with her longer, even just for ten more minutes, because we were not in the same class after Form 2. We could not always stick together in recess for many reasons and we only had lunch together once or twice a week.
“Why don’t we walk every day so that we can develop a healthy habit of exercising regularly!” I reframed the reason and suggested with excitement.
We always liked doing something we thought special (at least others would not do normally), such as exchanging diaries, sending hand-written letters to each other by post and designing a set of secret code like Da Vinci Code that only two of us knew the meaning for sending paper messages in-class in boring lessons without letting others know what we were talking about.
“Cool! I feel I am chubby too. Let’s keep fit together.” she agreed.
As a result, with an alternative routine, two naive teenage girls took the challenge and spent 20 minutes every day to walk to school, if the weather was fine. I did not know whether we had lost weight eventually, but I knew we had a wonderful time with sweat and happiness.
***
Considering Iris as my forever friend, I disclosed my deepest secret to her too. My family. I seemingly had a fortunate family with my father working as a teacher, earning a stable income and hiring a domestic helper to take care of my home, with my mother living freely as a joyful housewife and with three lovely sisters. Indeed, my mum sick heavily whose bad behaviour greatly affected my life. I was even bullied at school due to that problem. I seldom uncover the truth because I thought others would not really understand or say something useful, even I tried very hard to explain the situation. But I trusted Iris, thinking that she was reliable and mature which was not fit into her age. So, I dared and felt safe to tell her.
However, I did not know her very much. She seldom told me about herself. I just knew she was quite busy because she participated in many extra-curriculum activities such as piano lessons, ballet dancing, Red Cross, Cello lessons, Japanese and so on but she did not feel hard and was interested in them. She could manage her stuff well. She was a smart girl with a very high English proficiency in her age. She wished to become a doctor but turned out to be a nurse. Her parents were quite authoritative and that was it. I did not even know what her parents’ occupations were. I did not care at that time because I felt everyone had his freedom to say or not say anything. I came from a complicated family too. Fearing of becoming those I disliked, I did not ask her.
***
Time flew. I still regarded Iris as my important friend though I met new faithful friends in my senior secondary. Iris made new friends either. I saw her close friend changed from Cherie in Class 3E to Crystal in Class 4D. How about my position for her?
***
On her 17th birthday, we walked to school as usual and dismissed when we arrived in our classrooms respectively. I pretended I forgot her birthday and chatted with her normally. I knew she must leave her classroom in recess for relaxing or having some snack. I also intentionally ignored her in the first recess. In the second recess, I grabbed the chance and asked my friends from her class to put my thousand-word birthday card and present into the drawer of her desk as I did not want her to witness me in her classroom. She was so smart and would notice something if she saw me.
The birthday prank was successful, and she was absolutely touched by my birthday card, according to her feedback and her letter sent me afterwards. I felt delighted and satisfied. I was pretty sure she would love and be impressed by my birthday surprise because I devoted a great deal of effort and patience. Inspired by the parchment-paper letter in Harry Potter (our common interest), I designed and created the card, like a booklet, made of pages of textured card stock with layers. Photos were carefully selected too with the Trio represented Amy, Iris and me. She was Hermione because I thought she was intelligent, mature and bright like the character. I even printed some words in Old London Font, tracing on the cover page and cutting the shapes of the words out stroke by stroke. I did not sleep and prepared her presents overnight.
I thought our friendship could last forever.
***
“Goodbye, dear!” I waved my hand and said cheerfully.
“Bye, Maggie!” Iris replied with a gentle smile.
I did not know it was our last goodbye. I think we had some misunderstandings. I could feel that she gradual avoidance of meeting me. I did not ask her why as if I did not ask about her family. Most importantly, I did not know how to open my mouth.
I still do not sure why she left me. Maybe she thought I played with another group of friends? I started to distrust friendships. Too fragile. I become unwilling to involve too much in interpersonal relationship. I think she did not understand me. Each of my friends is unique, special and important to me and cannot be replaced.